Roger Collier

I t's not easy being a genius in the Internet age. There are bound to be people out there who fail to recognize your intellectual powers. These people just don't understand that every new thing you produce is the best thing ever produced, perfect in every way, rivalled in quality only by the thing you produced before it.

And they don't keep their ignorant opinions to themselves. Instead, they go on Internet message boards and disparage your magnificent work. What is a genius to do?

Thankfully, Dilbert cartoonist Scott Adams has found the solution. Using pseudonyms, geniuses should join the online communities where their haters linger. Then, cloaked in anonymity, they should praise themselves effusively, remind everyone of their genius status, and insult any ignoramus who criticizes their work. In Internet lingo, this is called sock puppetry. I think of it as anonymously correcting erroneous statements about perfect work produced by perfect people.

In an essay recently published in the Wall Street Journal, Adams suggested that many post-secondary students would be better off studying entrepreneurship than studying traditional subjects such as physics, calculus and literature. Many readers disagreed. On the popular online community MetaFilter, some people said the essay reeked of self-praise. In their opinions, Adams was simply congratulating himself on his decision to major in entrepreneurship in college.

First of all, how dare these people disagree with Scott Adams! He's the creator of a popular comic strip, which means he is famous and always right. If what he wrote wasn't 100-per-cent, indisputable, gospel-like truth, he wouldn't have written it. Furthermore, there is no need for name-calling. One MetaFilter member called Adams a "herb" and a "kleptocratic fascist," which is pretty mean. I think.

Was Adams supposed to just let that go? How could he have possibly gone back to enjoying his millions when there are random people with Internet connections that don't like him or his opinions or his comic strip? So, naturally, he did what any self-loving genius would do. He fought back.

Under the handle "Planned-Chaos," Adams joined the online discussion. He pointed out that Scott Adams was not only a successful cartoonist, but also a bestselling author, a highly paid public speaker, one of Journal's most popular writers, and the only comic strip creator to earn millions from a website. "As someone mentioned, he has a certified genius I.Q., and that's hard to hide," PlannedChaos wrote about Adams (a.k.a. himself).

Well played, Adams. The cartoonist has done two shrewd things here. First, he has listed all his successes. This is important. If you don't tell people how successful you are they might not realize how successful you are. Second, he has made note of his genius I.Q. Again, very important. Albert Einstein did this all the time. How else will people know of your amazing intellect?

You might be wondering how Adams became so adept at describing his genius. Well, he's had practice. A few months ago, something he wrote on his blog came under scrutiny on Reddit, another popular online community. And who should come to Adams' defence? Why, PlannedChaos, of course.

"It's fair to say you disagree with Adams. But you can't rule out the hypothesis that you're too dumb to understand what he's saying," wrote PlannedChaos. "And he's a certified genius. Just sayin'."

Here, again, Adams makes two deft arguments. If someone disagrees with you, that person is probably stupid. Also, it's hard to win a debate with a "certified" genius. Those skeptical of Adams' genius might want to see a copy of his genius certificate. But that's hardly necessary. The man is trustworthy. He is a cartoonist, after all, not president of the United States.

After being outed as Planned-Chaos, Adams took to his blog to defend his actions. "Conflict of interest is like a prison that locks in both the truth and the lies. One workaround for that problem is to change the messenger," Adams wrote. "That's where an alias comes in handy. When you remove the appearance of conflict of interest, it allows others to listen to the evidence without judging."

Ain't that the truth! If you are a genius, there is no better way to present unbiased evidence of your genius than pretending to be someone else and bragging about yourself on the Internet. You don't need to be a Scott Adams to figure that out.